Courage and Spice for Coaches: build your Self-belief and Business in under 30mins a week

The First Six Months of a Coaching Business with Laura Benad

• Sas Petherick • Episode 205

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If you’re at the start of building your coaching practice (or perhaps still in pre-contemplation mode!), I know you’ll love this episode.

I’m chatting with Laura Bernard, the Midlife Women’s Coach and a very fab human. Laura is building her practice while holding down her day job as a registered nurse and parenting two ace kids. She shares so generously about what her first six months in business have really involved: the wobbles, the visibility, the experimentation and the joy of finding work that feels like hers.

If you’re wondering whether you can build a coaching practice alongside the rest of your life, this conversation will leave you feeling far less alone, and hopefully rather more possible.

Get to know Laura here: 

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SPEAKER_01

Hello and welcome to Origins by Coach. We do build your calculator and your business under 50 minutes ago. I'm Stephanie Director, your host, I'm a coach, supervisor, and unapologetic outfit. I missed it and called I want your coaching practice to feel like a right. Let's go. I'm so excited to introduce you to Laura Bernard. She is the midlife woman's coach. She helps midlife women get their spark back without blowing up their lives. How many of us need this? And she's also a registered nurse. I think she's got such a cool vibe. And I'm also like delighted that I get to work with Laura on her coaching practice as she is one of the coaches in Ropen. So I thought it would be really fun to share Laura's journey with you because she's kind of at the start of building her practice alongside her day job. And just to really chat about what that's like from someone who's kind of in the trenches doing it. And I know so many of you listening are in the same place. So let's get to know Laura. Hi, love. How are you?

SPEAKER_00

Hello. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

Is this your first podcast interview?

SPEAKER_00

It is my first podcast. And yeah, I was like so looking forward to it. But then as soon as I sat in front of the computer, I was a bit like, oh god.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. First of many. I just know. First of many. Yeah. Oh, that's well, I'm just so happy that you said yes, this is gonna be really fun. Yeah. So tell us about like how you found your way into coaching.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, I guess how far back do you want to go really? Because I sort of feel like it was written in the stars. I mean, I was born into a family of super caring, compassionate, beautiful spaceholders. And so I feel like it's part of my DNA, but also I was raised among um lots of mental health challenges and addiction. And I think I learned very early on what it meant to be a spaceholder, and I think that really followed me throughout my childhood and my teens and sort of into then, you know, into the rest of my life really. And I think I sometimes wonder, I mean, we do our training in coaching and we learn all of the really important, you know, skills and tools and techniques and all of that, but I sometimes wonder about the things that you can't teach within coaching. I don't know what you think about this, I think it felt feels like it's just part of me. Um and yeah, I went into nursing, which was sort of like the natural step for me, I think. And even when I think about nursing, you know, again, we learn all of the clinical stuff, and we we've got, you know, a lot of education and we're always learning, and it's it's so important to have that. But I also really stand by the fact that the the most important thing that I can do is sit with someone and hold their hand and listen and let them know that I'm there. And I think these are all qualities that are just part of being a coach, aren't they? They're part of who you are. Yeah. Um so yeah, I think I think it was always sort of destined, um, but I didn't really ever think about it as a career. Um, I had a friend who's been a coach for about 20 years now, and he said to me a long time ago, you'd make an amazing coach, and I just didn't know anything about it. I was a nurse and I just didn't really think about it. Um and then I went and um was cabin crew. I had a break from nursing, and I thought I'd do something fun for a year, but ended up staying for a long time. Um and again, cabin crew, I think gets a bit of a we can sort of pigeonhole people with certain jobs. But the best cabin crew that I know, they're all amazing communicators. You know, you have got you've got to literally sort of be able to deal with a whole range of circumstances, and I think I just loved it. I loved working with people, communicating, like me meeting people, hearing their stories. Um and then I worked there for 14 years, and then I was made redundant during COVID. Um, and I guess that's where it started, really. Um I I was completely flawed, even though I think I'd been thinking for a while there's something more for me. I knew that there was something else, I just didn't know what. Um, and so you know, having the push, um it probably felt like it was it was meant to happen, but it absolutely flawed me. I felt completely blindsided by it. I did not expect it. I'd been there for 14 years, you know, completely unblemished service, and the letter came through the door, and I just it just completely just rocked me, really. Um and I think when you've you've lived an identity for so long, and this is something I see with the women that I work with, when you've you know you've had a role and you've had an identity and it's part of who you are, when that's suddenly taken away from you, or it changes, you're left thinking, who who the fuck am I now? Sorry if I can't swear. Who am I? Like, you know, what what am I without that? And it really forced me to sort of take a look at you know who I was, what I wanted, um, and do the work on myself, really. And that's yeah, I guess that's how I found my way into coaching. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I I love how I mean, all three of the kind of career strands that you've been playing with over the last what 20-30 years, they've all they've all got such empathy in common and also being like a bit of a safe pair of hands, you know, um, and a fascination with humans.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I've I've always been fascinated by humans. I mean, it's it's literally what makes me tick. I I could just sit and I I have, you know, I could just sit and talk to people. I just want to know about people, and you know, I've I think because of my upbringing, you know, I've I've come from a very non-judgmental space, and I think that again, you know, it just helps you really understand and get to know people and want to support them. Um but yeah, I think I think I never realized that coaching was actually a thing, you know. I didn't really, I didn't really know that all of these attributes that I had, you know, I could actually make into something and I could make it into a career. I was like, what? This is just who I am, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Well, tell us about that. Like, what has this year been like for you as you've been starting your practice, creating a business out of this passion you have?

SPEAKER_00

Um I mean, it's been an absolute emotional roller coaster. I think I think I sometimes liken it to having a newborn. You you when it's when you're in the trenches and you're doing all the things, you're like winging it, you're like trying to find your way through, and no one's telling you your this is what you need to do, this is how it works. You're gonna, you know, you've got so much self-doubt, you're looking around you at what everyone else is doing, and you're getting no feedback, you're getting no like this is working, you're just keeping this human alive, but you know inside this is what I want to do. Like it's there's no doubt in your mind why you're doing it, and I think that's how it's felt it felt initially because I I came out of coaching school before I met you, and and I really was winging it, really. I was like, I didn't realize how hard it would be. You know, I knew that I could coach, but I didn't know anything about building a business. I didn't, I didn't even think about you know what that might look like. So I sort of messed around and was sort of tapping into different courses and this, that, and the other. Um and then I I found you. And I think coming into ripen has just changed everything. You know, it's been it's just been so lovely to be to feel supported through it, um, to have a group of people who are all at different stages. Um, but just having someone in your corner is is just completely changes the game, really. Um, so yeah, it's it's it's the last six months have been brilliant, they've been really good. And of course, still within that, you're just still like every day you're sort of thinking, oh god, you know, yeah, still sort of floundering a bit, but yeah, I think yeah, it makes the world a difference, sort of having someone by your side. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I I found that too. Like just having I I did it, did the same thing, winging it and just kind of like most I didn't really have a strategy other than like just coach my tits off and I'll figure it out as I go, kind of thing. So yeah, I'm I'm with you. I think there's something about having just an idea, like a sense of like, oh, I can see how these pieces fit together and why this would be helpful for clients and all that stuff. Yeah, um, and you're you've since we've met, like you've launched, written and launched your website, you've got your coaching offer, which is amazing, like ready to go. Um, and you've got a workshop coming up, which is I just think what I love about you, Laura, is you get shit done. Like you're not you're not here for a sandwich, right? You're here to reach the women you want to talk to.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I guess I'm curious to know, like, what what has been like the best and maybe the the hardest parts of just building in public?

SPEAKER_00

Um the the hardest part without a doubt is being visible and showing up. And it's something that you're not taught in coach training that you know, you've you've actually got to get in front of people and you've got to get in front of the right people. And these people are naturally cautious, and you know, they they you need to develop a relationship with them and and so that they feel that you're the right person for them and you want to be the right person for them. Um, but it's hard, you know, because it's something that you've never done before. Um, and it's it's death that's definitely been the most challenging part and the hardest part. But the the best part is I think my mindset around the outcome has changed because I think again, when you you come out of your training and you're like, well, I just want to get clients, you know, I just want to be able to work with these women and and you know really help them. And it's just that that is the goal. And of course, that is the goal. But I think I've changed my view on what it looks like to feel like I'm I'm doing the work, you know, and it is it's it's enjoying trying to enjoy what I'm doing at the time because I love it, you know. I mean, I think we've had this discussion before when I when I found coaching, it was like I felt like I'd fallen in love all over again. You know, it was like I had this sort of love affair with this this thing, and so it feels I don't I don't feel like it's work. I feel like I'm you know I'm just doing something that I just really love. And you know, the the the outcome obviously would be, you know, working with lots of beautiful clients, but it's not the be-all and end all at the minute. Does that make sense? That probably sounds good. Totally. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I love that you use the analogy of falling in love. I that was the same for me. I used to think feel like my day job was becoming like this increasingly kind of stale marriage to this guy that I didn't love anymore. And my coaching practice that I was doing in the evenings and weekends alongside that day job was like this hot affair that I just couldn't get enough of, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it is like that because you know, I've people used to say to me, You seem so different. Like, what's changed about you? And it it literally is I could do this for free. You know, I it's it's when you find that thing, it just and it sounds like a cheesy thing to say, but it does light you up. You feel like you're moving through the world differently, you know. I'm I'm doing something that I just feel is so aligned with who I am as a person, and it's it's a brilliant feeling.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. What is it about midlife women who reach that point where they're like I'm I'm just not happy or I want some I want this to feel different. I want to feel different, I want to show up in a new way. Like, what is it about these clients that you feel so devoted to?

SPEAKER_00

I think having you know, in the in the jobs that I've done, I have been really fortunate to have had hundreds of conversations with people, and I I really listen and I know so many of the women that I've spoken to they feel like trapped by the conditioning that they've been raised in. They feel like their job really is to be uh only there for everybody else's happiness and and there, you know, to keep everyone sort of everyone else support everyone else's dreams. And they often find themselves thinking, well, what about me? But because of the conditioning, they feel that they they can't do anything about it. And I don't believe that's true. I believe that there is absolutely a space for these women to have a beautiful next chapter. I think, you know, there's so many women that haven't even tapped into what it is that they want, or they don't even necessarily know what they want because they've not asked themselves for so long. And these women have changed, you know, they're different to how they were in their 20s and 30s, and they haven't probably stopped for a long time to really get to know who they are now and what they want next. And I just think the world would be such a better place with women who are living lives that you know that serve them as well as everyone else. You know, it's not we're not just here for that, you know.

SPEAKER_01

I love the angle you take on this as well, which is you really see that wider picture of conditioning and all the distractions that are kind of sold to us, right? Like, you know, we are all approaching or in menopause as midlife women, and so we kind of feel like, well, I'm on HRT now, everything should be rosy. And like the name of your workshop that you're doing is like the five things that HRT can't fix, right? And and I think that's the conversation that just feels like it's so needed that it goes beyond just the biology, medically kind of, you know, take this supplement, get this treatment, do this thing, and into a much more like empowering place for your clients.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I mean, and again, you know, with the conversations I've had with with people of all ages, I've spoken to a lot of older women, and I have spoken to a lot of people who've got a lot of regrets, and and even my own mum, you know, she wishes she'd done lots of different things, but things were very different then, and we have moved forwards, and I think we still, but we still need to keep doing the work. We it doesn't just happen, you know, we've really got to sort of put ourselves front and centre. And I was thinking the other day, you know, when people describe me, they describe me as someone who's, you know, super kind, caring, compassionate, always putting others first, you know, really, really wants to help. And I'm actually someone that does put myself first, and there's no shame in that, you know. I I'm a much better person for my kids and and the people around me because I put myself in the picture. And so it doesn't mean we have this sort of narrative. You know, I again, you know, I grew up around a lot of martyrdom where women were like you just felt you you it was palpable that they were sacrificing everything for you, and it it the selfless sort of um that feeling of someone's being selfless, it was like, oh, they're so selfless, like it was a badge of honour. But actually, these women weren't always happy being like that, and you felt it. And I don't want my children to see me not happy and not living a life that is fulfilling because we all deserve that, you know, we all deserve it.

SPEAKER_01

Have you always put yourself first, or is that something you need to learn as well?

SPEAKER_00

Again, again, this is something that you know, really my 20s and 30s absolutely I didn't, you know, especially when I became a mum, I I really thought my job was to sacrifice everything for them. And and the thing is, I'm still a great mum, you know. I still I put them first and they are my world, but I also matter. So it's been a learning, and actually I still have to catch myself sometimes, you know. Sometimes when I'm about to say yes to something, and I think that's no, that's not that's not the right thing for me. It's not about being selfish, it's about recognising, you know, what's gonna what's gonna be best all round. Because sometimes, you know, a lot of the women that I've worked with, they have they're always pleasing everyone else, saying yes when they mean no, and it shows up, it shows up in resentment and snappiness and bitterness and feeling like what about me? You know, it's it's it's a real it it's a lot of unlearning that needs to happen for you to reach a point where you're it becomes more natural. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_01

I and I think as well, like everything you're talking about, like that discernment of what's actually right for you, what isn't, um, being willing to kind of back yourself and put yourself first and acknowledge your needs and what how you want things to go, those skills are so transferable into building a business. Like, I honestly feel like I was so slow to the party of figuring all of that out, you know. Um, and so I wonder if you feel like all of the work that you've done on yourself is actually really helping you right now as you're in this kind of whirlwind of creation and uncertainty.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean, I I definitely I definitely have this sort of knowing that I'm on the right path, and I know that whatever happens, it will be okay. And I also have this sort of feeling that I won't stop because I know that this is what's for me. I'll just keep trying different things. Um, and one of the biggest things that I've I've since working with you, and I think it is having that safety of having you there. I mean, you know, I've had so many wobbles, I'm continue to have wobbles, but it's knowing that it's okay to try and it not work out, or to try and think, oh god, you know, I didn't love that, or however it might be. Um not it it not having to be perfect before you get going. Yeah, it's really helped me because it's built my momentum and I've been able to sort of like, you know, sort of keep going with it and just keep that that knowing that it's okay. It's okay, it doesn't matter, you know, the world isn't gonna fall apart because I've posted something cringe on Instagram or however whatever it might be. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I hear you. I think as well, like it's it's just so many first times, right? So many first times all at once, you know. And I I sort of feel like it's one of the reasons why I love supervision is because you know, I've got someone there who I can go, what do you think about this? Or this sort of this bit a bit off to me. How are we what are we thinking kind of thing? And just to have someone who is more experienced than me, has been here, been there, done that kind of thing, and knows me as well and cares about me, wanting me to succeed and you know show up as authentically as possible. That for me has just been so invaluable, and it sounds like that alongside the group, right? Because man, we're so lucky with the women in Ripe and it's freaking awesome. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I don't know if you ever intend this to be how you come across, like how I feel. I've never had a big sister, right? Your energy is for me, is that big sister vibes. It's like, I've got you, and I also have been there, but I'm not gonna tell you, you know, because this is your journey. Yeah, I'm gonna let you work it out for yourself. I'm here for you, you know, every step of the way. And I don't think you can really, I think that is so lovely to have because it's like sometimes, you know, I have to sort of think, I'm always thinking. What would you think or say? But then I'm like, I can I can do this, and then I can check in with you. And it's just it's a it's just lovely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I love that you said that. That makes my heart just swell. So fun. Well, and I think that's the thing, isn't it? That to me, mentoring done well, it should feel like someone's in this with me. Yeah. I think, you know, and I and I feel in programs where it's felt a bit like this is clearly a transactional relationship. And it didn't feel great to me. I mean, some of it in terms of like knowledge transfer and just knowing what to do was top-notch. I got stuff from it. But for me, like I think the feeling that someone's in this with me is so like you can't kind of calculate that in lots of ways, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And and that's that's what I hope my clients feel because totally, you know, I am in it with them. I'm I'm a midlife woman myself, you know, I don't have everything figured out. I might have some experience and I might have the training and and the tools and techniques and a lot of life experience, but I'm not perfect. And and you never try and say, you know, I know everything about everything. You're never, you know, it's it's always a process. And I really hope, and you know, the clients that I have worked with have said similar. It's like having having someone who just wants the best for you and helps you see what you can't see, you know. That's that's such a big thing as well. Because when you're in it, you're just so engulfed in it that you just can't see what else is going on or what's getting in your way.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, absolutely. I think that is really the the kind of core role that we play for our clients is they're usually really smart, self-aware people, right? Like that's the cool part. So Captain Obvious kind of surface level coaching never really feels that interesting to me, but that real like empathy, listening quite deeply, listening for what isn't being said as well, and saying, tell me about that hesitation, you know, like actually exploring the real world of the client. Like to me, that's where the where the real gold is. And I just feel like the best kind of coaching relationships model that like as you're saying, like the experience I have with my mentors and supervisor that is the experience I hope to show up with filtered through my personality for you, and you'll do the same for yours. And it's like slowly we you know tear the walls down of all this shitty conditioning and how our clients feel like they can, you know, be themselves and do what makes them happy and fulfilled.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and what you were saying in nursing, you know, again, it's that it's this, it's the the metaphorical hand holding, isn't it? It's like I know that you've got me, I know that you're there, and but I can I can do it myself, but it's just that that sort of yeah. Yeah, I love that so much.

SPEAKER_01

It's awesome. Um, so tell us about your workshop. What's coming up? What are you building now?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so I've got my, I don't know when this will come out, but so my my free workshop is on um Tuesday, and it's the first free online workshop, well, first online workshop I've done. So there's definitely nerves, but also excitement. Um, and like you said, it's called Five Things HRT Won't Touch, and it is it's all about building an awareness, really. To I've I've I've spoken to so many women that are they're looking for the thing that's gonna make them feel better, and we're marketed so many things, you know. HRT is brilliant, and you know, I as a nurse and as someone who takes it myself, I I'm certainly not against it if it's a the right choice for the individual, but I feel like people think this is what's gonna fix everything, and it's the same with the supplements and the the nutrition and the exercise routine, they're all brilliant things, but also there's this thing, you know, this gap underneath all of that that's missing. And uh so women come to me and they're saying, but I still feel like shit, I'm doing all the right things, yeah, and I still feel crap, like, and they feel even worse because they're like, What's wrong with me? You know, why am I feeling like this? It must be me, and it's not, it's all of the stuff that we've been talking about, it's this it's it's generations of learning behaviors that don't necessarily work for us anymore. And so this workshop really is just about just building an awareness, just helping women get a little bit clearer about what else is going on underneath all of the hormones and this sort of messy stage of life, really, where people are feeling a little bit confused, a little bit unsure. Um, and I just would love women to leave thinking, yeah, I I get it now. I feel I feel like I understand it, I feel seen.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah it's so good. And you know, we've been kind of playing with it behind the scenes, and I'm I'm really excited for it to go out. And the thing is, right, like I just think taking action like this is so you you can't lose, right? Yeah, you're gonna record this content, however many people show up. You've now got a free thing that you can send to people, yeah. And they get an experience of your vibes and who you are and just your very lush humanness. And if that jowls, it's like, oh cool, yeah, I would like to have a chat. You're talking sense, like this feels like information that really helps me. I'm in, you know. So this this workshop is gonna have a long life, even if even if it's maybe, you know, not a thousand people showing up. Actually, it feels like it feels horrible anyway. Yeah, yeah, it's so so good. Um, well, I am rooting for you endlessly, and I also would love you to come back maybe in six months and tell us how the first year's been and what you've learned. And love to, yeah. Well, I wonder, Laura, if there's anything that you would want to say to someone who's maybe where you were six months ago, like perhaps flailing about a bit or thinking, oh, there must there must be a easier way.

SPEAKER_00

A hundred percent is getting not just someone in your corner, the right person in your corner. I think, you know, when I when I when I found you, it didn't take me long to know that I could trust you. And having someone that you trust is without a doubt like the best thing. Because yeah, I think you can't do it by yourself. I mean, I don't I the most of the people I trained with when I did my coach training have have given up because it's hard. And it's okay that it's hard, it's okay that it doesn't happen. You know, when I came into this world, it everyone was like talking about you know the the big money months and like the the sold-out flight lists and all of this. And so straight away you think, oh my god, you know, what's going on here? What but when you start working with someone who's been there, you understand that that's not how it works. It's a slow, it should be a slow build. That's how you build your confidence, that's how you get, you know, you you learn what works for you learn what doesn't. So for me, the biggest thing would be yeah, getting you in there corner.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that's very sweet.

SPEAKER_00

It is, it is, yeah, I think I think that is the best thing. Amazing. Don't and don't stop. If this is really what you know to be your thing, you know, if this is really where you feel your heart is, don't give up. There is there will always just gotta keep going. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I and I just think it is so freaking smart of you to keep your day job, you know, take the pressure off financially, all of that kind of icky energy that can seep in when it's like, oh, I'm trying to start a business from scratch and it's gotta pay the way, that can be really stressful. I think why a lot of people give up is they kind of believe the sold-out big money month stuff and sort of go, right, I'm going all in, I'm gonna build my parachute on the way down. And what they find is that actually it's quite a long way down, and it's freaking terrifying if there isn't anything that's coming in to support you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That I mean, I I've said this a couple of times on the pod. I think I worked for three first three years of my practice to build it up to a point where I was, you know, had enough to to kind of move move forwards. Um and yeah, I'm with you. I think there's so much in like just serving an apprenticeship. We do this in every single profession. But you know, if you believe the coachpreneurs on it on the gram, it's like it should be an overnight success. Else, what are you doing? And yeah, as we've discovered, um when you care about this work, how quickly it happens isn't usually the most important thing. 100%, yeah. Yeah, so so good. Well, Laura, we are all now cheering you on for your workshop. So excited for you and um and just for your offers. And I'll put a link in the show notes to all of your stuff so people can come and follow you. Um, I'm loving how you're showing up on Instagram and just playing and having fun. It's such a testament to to your willingness to just try shit out and see what happens. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Definitely try shit out.

unknown

Amazing.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, if this conversation has got you wondering about mentoring support in your coaching business, I'd love you to apply for Ripen. You'll find all the details via the link in the show notes. I can't wait to chat.